Tell Me Your Name Again Transl Espanol
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Chistes
Jokes
This one's mine (© 2016):Intentaba escoger united nations champú y vi que casi todos decían "no se ha probado en animales".
I was trying to choose a shampoo and I noticed that well-nigh all of them said "has non been tested on animals."
�Con razón he visto tantos animales con el pelo rebelde!
No wonder I have seen so many animals with bad hair!
The following jokes I found on the joke pages of Ciudad Futura (http://www.ciudadfutura.com), a sometime Spanish-language Internet customs. These jokes are some of the ameliorate (and cleaner) ones from a couple Ciudad Futura pages which, unfortunately, no longer exist.
¿Has oído el caso de ese fugitivo que secuestró un autobús de turistas japoneses?
Take you heard about the example of that avoiding who held hostage a busload of Japanese tourists?
La policía tiene v.000 fotos suyas.
The police accept 5,000 pictures of him.
Note to young people: One time upon a time, before, say, about belatedly 2004 (see Nokia 6820), when cameras started appearing widely in mass-market place cell phones, the only fashion to take pictures was with an actual camera, and the only time you saw a whole crowd of people who each had their own photographic camera effectually their neck was when you saw a group of tourists from Japan. Now you know.)
Hay tres clases de personas:
In that location are three kinds of people:
las que saben contar y las que no.
those who know how to count, and those who don't.
El physician llama por teléfono a su paciente:
The md calls his patient by telephone:
- Vera, tengo una noticia buena y otra mala.
"Vera, I have good news and bad news."
- Bueno... dígame primero la buena.
"Well and then, . . . tell me the good news commencement."
- Los resultados del análisis indican que le quedan 24 horas de vida.
"The results of the analysis indicate that you have 24 hours left to live."
- Pero, bueno, ¿eso es la buena noticia? ¿Entonces cuál es la mala?
"Well, that's the good news? Then what's the bad news?"
- Que llevo intentando localizarle desde ayer.
"That I have been trying to achieve you since yesterday."
Unos tíos están subidos a un árbol cuando les ve un policía.
Some guys are up in a tree when a policeman sees them.
- Pero, bueno, ¿ustedes qué hacen ahí? Venga hombres, bajen. ¡No sea que se caigan y se rompan algo!
"Well, what are you all doing there? Come on men, come downwards. Allow's not accept any of yous falling and breaking something!"
Y cuando llegan al suelo...
And when they reach the ground . . .
- A ver, ¿ustedes quiénes son?
"O.Chiliad. at present, who are you lot?"
-¡Pucha, qué memoria! ¡Los del árbol!
"Geez, what a memory! The ones from the tree!"
- Jo, tío, me acabo de comprar un aparato para la sordera que es una maravilla. Me lo puedo meter en la oreja y nadie se da cuenta.
"Hey, human being, I have just bought myself an aid for deafness that is a wonder. I tin can put it in my ear and nobody realizes information technology."
- Jo, ¡qué cosas...! ¿y cuánto te ha costado?
"Huh, what things [will they think of side by side]! And how much did it cost you?"
- Las dos y cuarto.
"A quarter past 2."
Note to young people: Back before Douglas Adams mocked humans for being "ape-descended life forms [who] are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea" (digital watches came into widespread use nearly 1976), watches were that analog kind you still might not be able to read (tsk, tsk). A quarter past two (the minute paw ane quarter of the style effectually the clock face up from its position at two o'clock [i.due east., having moved from the 12 to the 3]) means 2:15. A quarter till two (a quarter of the circle remaining for the infinitesimal paw to travel before it is two o'clock [i.e., at the nine on the way to the 12]) means 1:45. One-half past two means two:30. Earlier digital watches, these were common ways to respond to someone's question about what time it was. Nobody much cared to say ii:08 (mayhap "a footling past two" or "almost a quarter past").
Un paciente entra en la consulta del médico.
A patient enters the md's function.
Physician: - ¿Qué es lo que le ha traído por aquí?
Md: "What is it that's brought you lot hither?"
Paciente - Una ambulancia, ¿por qué?
Patient: "An ambulance. Why?"
Se encuentran dos amigos.
Two friends run into each other.
- Oye, macho, ¡tengo united nations pato que habla!
"Hey [listen], human, I have a duck that talks!"
- 'Amos [vamos], hombre, no digas tonterías.
"Come on, man, don't say stupid things."
- Que sí, ya verás. Ven a mi casa y lo ves.
"Merely it's truthful, you'll see. Come to my firm and you'll see information technology."
Llegan a la casa, abren la puerta y aparece un pato.
They make it at the house, open up the door, and a duck appears.
- A ver. Pato, tráeme una corbata.
"Spotter. Duck, bring me a tie."
- Cuaaa!
"Quack!"
- Pst... la de rayas misma!
"Geez . . . the striped ane! [Cuál = Which?]
Una cigüeña está en su nido con su hijo, que está llorando:
A stork is in her nest with her son, who is crying:
- Mamá, mamá, buah, ¿dónde está papá, snif?
"Mom, Mom, waaaa, where is Dad? Sniff."
- Hijo, tranquilízate, no pasa nada. Está haciendo feliz a la panadera llevándole un niño.
"Son, at-home downward, nothing [bad] is happening. He is making the bakery happy, bringing her a son."
La noche siguiente es el padre el que está solo en el nido con la cría, que está llorando otra vez.
The side by side nighttime it is the father who is alone in the nest with the infant, who is crying once more.
- Buah, papá, papá, buah, ¿dónde está mamáaaa...!
"Waaaa, Dad, Dad, waaaa, where is Mom...?!
- Deja de llorar, chico, si no pasa nothing. Se ha ido a llevar alegría a casa del alcalde...
"Stop crying, male child, because nothing [bad] is happening. She has gone to bring joy to the mayor's house. . .
La siguiente noche, el padre y la madre están preocupadísimos en el nido esperando al pollo, que aparece con cara alegre.
The next night, the begetter and the female parent are worried sick in the nest waiting for the chick, who appears with a happy face.
- Pero, bueno, ¿qué pasa? ¿Dónde estabas?
"Well, what's happening? Where were yous?"
- Nah, no pasa nada. Le estaba dando united nations susto a una estudiante...
Nah, cipher'southward happening. I was giving a scare to a educatee. . .
Un tío ingresa en un hospital para hacerse una pequeña operación.
A guy enters a hospital to accept a pocket-size operation.
Una enfermera empieza a tomarle los datos; el nombre, la compañía del seguro, etcétera.
A nurse begans to take downwards his data: proper name, insurance company, etc.
- En caso de emergencia, ¿a quién avisamos?
"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"
- ¿Quiere decir si estoy a punto de morirme?
"Do you mean if I am simply about to die?"
- Bueno... sí...
"Well . . . yes . . ."
- En ese caso, ¡llame corriendo a un medico!
"In that instance, run and telephone call a doctor!"
A un pueblo del oeste llega una carreta y united nations tío con pinta de charlatán empieza a hacer propaganda de una poción, que supuestamente le conserva joven a pesar de que tiene trescientos años.
To a town in the west there arrives a wagon and a guy who seems like a charlatan begins to annunciate a potion, which supposedly keeps him young despite [the fact] that he is three hundred years old.
United nations campesino se acerca dudando a uno de sus ayudantes.
A farmer, having doubts, approaches ane of his assistants.
- Oiga, y de verdad que este tío ha vivido trescientos años?
"Hey, is it really true that this guy has lived iii hundred years?"
- Mire, no lo sé, yo solo llevo doscientos trabajando con él.
"Wait, I don't know, I have but worked with him for ii hundred."
United nations policía detiene a un transeúnte y le dice:
A policeman detains a transient and says to him:
- A ver, usted, deme el nombre.
"Let's run across, you, give me your proper name."
- ¡Sí, hombre! ¡Y entonces cómo me llamo?
"Yeah, right! And and then what would I call myself?!"
- Md, dr., el pelo se me está cayendo. ¿Me puede dar algo para conservarlo?
"Doctor, medico, my hair is falling out on me. Tin you give me something to continue it?"
- Sí, claro. Aquí tiene una caja de zapatos.
"Yeah, of class. Here's a shoe box."
- Doctor, doc, ¿qué tal ha ido el parto?
"Doctor, doctor, how did the birth get?"
- Bueno, todo muy bien, pero a su hijo le hemos tenido que poner oxígeno.
"Well, everything very well, but nosotros have had to put on your son [put your son on] oxygen." [ponerle = "put on him "]
- ¿¿Oxígeno?? Con la ilusión que a mí me hacía ponerle Federico...
"Oxygen?? And after my eye was and then set on calling him Federico . . . " [ponerle = "name him"]
- Doctor, doc, tengo tendencias suicidas, ¿qué hago?
"Physician, physician, I have suicidal tendencies. What should I do?"
- Págueme ya mismo.
"Pay me this instant."
- Doctor, medico, no puedo recordar zilch.
"Doctor, md, I tin't think annihilation."
- Vaya, y desde cuando tiene usted este problema?
"Wow, and how long have y'all had this problem?"
- ¿Qué problema?
"What problem?"
- Doctor, physician, me he roto el brazo en varios sitios.
Doctor, doctor, I accept cleaved my arm in several places."
- Pues yo de usted no volvería a esos sitios.
"Well, if I were you, I wouldn't go back to those places."
- Doctor, doctor, veo elefantes azules por todas partes.
"Doctor, physician, I run into blue elephants everywhere."
- ¿Ha visto ya a un psicólogo ?
"Have you seen a psychologist yet?"
- No, solo elefantes azules.
"No, just blue elephants."
- ¿Me das tu teléfono?
"Will you give me your telephone [number]?"
- Sí, hombre, ¿y con qué llamo a mis amigos?
"Yes, right! And then how would I call my friends?"
Una tía entra en una lencería.
A lady enters a lingerie store.
- Buenas, ¿me podría probar ese sujetador, el rojo, en el escaparate?
"Howdy, could I try on that bra, the scarlet one, in the window?"
- Claro que puede, ¿pero no sería mejor que se lo probase en el probador?
"Of course y'all can, but wouldn't it be better if you tried information technology on in the dressing room?"
En la panadería:
In the bakery:
- Me da una barra de pan.
"Give me a loaf of staff of life."
- Tendrá que ser duro. [duro = stale, tough]
"It will take to be stale."
Le trinca por la solapa, le da un par de bofetadas y le dice:
- ¡¡¡¡Me da una barra de pan!!!!
He picks him up by the lapels, gives him a couple slaps and says:
"Give me a loaf of bread!!!!"
[This joke relies on the customer's misinterpretation of "Tendrá que ser duro." (i.e., You will have to exist tough.)]
Esto es un misionero que está en plena selva y se encuentra de bruces con un león que estaba casi muerto de hambre.
This one is a missionary who is in the middle of the jungle and finds himself face to face with a panthera leo who was virtually dead from hunger.
El misionero se asusta y se pone de rodillas. Empezando a rezar dice:
The missionary becomes frightened and kneels. Beginning to pray, he says:
- Padre, infunde a este pobre león sentimientos cristianos.
"Father, make full this poor king of beasts with Christian feeling."
...Se oye united nations silencio...
. . . A silence is heard . . .
y de buenas a primeras el león se pone de rodillas, diciendo:
- Padre, bendice estos alimentos que voy a recibir...
and of a sudden the panthera leo kneels, saying:
"Father, bless this food which I am about to receive . . ."
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Created -- 2000-03-14
Revised -- 2021-05-x
Source: http://spanishpronto.com/spanishpronto/jokes.html
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